Moses At The Counselor's Office
Sunday, October 19, 2008 at 11:51AM The Wittenburg Door published this piece in their September/October 2005 issue, which didn't do much to endear me to my mother-in-law. I wrote it when I worked for a church that wanted to 'take the city, then the world, then the universe' for God. The wide disparity between the comfy, middle-class lifestyle (theirs and mine) and the aggressive 'we'll do anything for the mission' rhetoric finally got to me. There just seemed no way to reconcile the two; one or the other, but not both. So I give you:
Moses At The Counselor's Office
Moses has just returned from his failed first attempt to free the children of Israel from slavery. Discouraged and confused, he finds himself in the reception area of the Family Values Counseling Center. After a short wait a middle-aged man with bad hair opens the door and scans the room: “Mister…(consulting a 3x5 card)…Moses?”
Moses gets up and follows the bad hair down the hallway, praying that before the hour is done he’ll better understand God’s will for his life.
COUNSELOR: (closing the door behind him and offering an overstuffed chair to Moses) Can I offer you anything? Coffee, tea?
MOSES: (making a weak joke) Something that will keep my staff from turning into a snake, maybe? If you know what I mean…
COUNSELOR: (sitting down across from Moses) Well, maybe we can work on that. What brings you here today, Mr. Moses?
MOSES: Moses. It’s just…Moses. My wife is threatening to leave me.
COUNSELOR: Really. Does she say why?
MOSES: She says I’m putting my job before the family. She says I’m never around, says I’m consumed with my career. Kids won’t do their homework, discipline problems, etc. And we never, well…it’s been a long time since we…(Moses resists the urge to hold the pillow across his stomach, thinking it will make him look weak)